


Fair Trade

by Aviendha69



Series: Reylo Short Stories and Novellas [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, HEA, I'm in no hurry, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jakku, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, NSFW, Rey needs a Lover, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Week, Reylo-centric, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, You Need A Teacher, real slooow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23432416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviendha69/pseuds/Aviendha69
Summary: Rey needs a Dark side teacher. She has much to offer in return.Longing, pining, desperate resisting. Ultimately, smut. Reylo-centric.Romantic? You betcha.An early work. Recently betaed to clean up noob mistakes.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Reylo Short Stories and Novellas [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746646
Comments: 16
Kudos: 33
Collections: KYLO/REY, Rey/Ben Solo, You Need a Teacher-- A Reylo Collection (Kylo Ren/Rey), reylo trash





	1. I Need a Teacher

**Author's Note:**

> Hard to imagine the Knights of Ren not participating in a little rape every now and then. An eager Kylo could have tried it. And not liked it. Not described.  
> Rey suffers an assault in the past: non-graphic depiction.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To him, she didn't feel like an enemy.

She ran. She ran following the training path, jumping over hillocks and mires and chasms, climbing trees to reach the red ribbon, stopping to counter the training drone attacks, before taking off to complete the circuit. When she felt him brush her mind, she stumbled. 

He closed the connection just as quickly, but she felt the turmoil within him, and he had glimpsed her own. She could tell the immense effort it took him to open the connection and then to close it again. He was checking to see if she was there, if she was alright, but he could bear no more.

Killing his father had left him wide open, and she had slipped into that space like a key into a lock. Killing Snoke had unlocked him completely. He was free for the first time in his life, and he was teetering on the edge of that freedom, like a caged animal staring out the open door. All she could do was watch him and wait. She could not go in there to get him out. 

She felt compassion for him; she really did. He had all that power and legacy and he was a prisoner of it; wanting to abandon the past, yet still beholden to it. He was a center of attention, yet completely alone. They had that in common. 

They had their differences, too: he completely covered himself in Darkness, yet still shone through. She was a smiling, courageous beacon of Hope to the Resistance, yet... 

Yet she couldn't forget the abandonment by her parents, or forgive her former tormentor for years of exploiting her, and for that time he had sold her to... That memory brought up the rage she had needed to survive on Jakku. The fear and pain had turned to rage and she had freed herself, killing - she did not know how then - the one who had bought her. Plutt had kept that quiet, but had never sold her again. 

That rage made her strong and, even if Luke had called it Dark, there was no way she was ever letting go of it. Which brought her back to Kylo  _ Ben _ . She knew Ren was a mask over Ben Solo, so she had decided on the moniker. 

Kylo Ben attracted her. His overwhelming strength made her feel safe. The Bond between them was unbreakable; it made her feel safe. His own Darkness was a space where she was allowed to be angry and  _ rage rage rage _ , but the Light she found in him was the path back to safety. He was bigger and older than her and she knew he wouldn't hurt her, and she sometimes just wanted to curl up inside that space and sleep or drowse in his arms. She had felt him  _ care _ for her. She felt all this and she had to let him know. She would. 

_ *I need a teacher.* _

She put that out there. 

**

He picked up that message when he finally let himself rest after training and before bed. He had washed and lay in his bed, picking up a book of poetry - one of his only luxuries - but it wasn't holding his attention so his mind wandered and found her call. 

The girl -  _ Rey _ \- was accepting his initial offer. 

When his Uncle Luke had killed himself to distract him so the girl he was bound to could rescue his mother and the rest of the lot - and save the Resistance - it had been the third time she had horribly humiliated him. He had raged for  _ days _ . He had been lucky to not have to counter a mutiny as well. Hux had been too freshly cowed to attempt anything at the time, but he could still work the courage, and he certainly was better organized, better respected, and better tempered than he was. All those qualities were exactly why Kylo had to keep him. 

He knew he wasn’t up to the task of leading the First Order, he was a man-boy in a patched-up Ren mask who only wanted to run away. But he had nowhere to run unless he ran to her. She was the only one like him now: a powerful Force-user, one who did not deny the Dark side. If he'd said things differently after Snoke's execution, she would have accepted his second offer. And by different, he meant if he'd not made her feel like garbage and had called off the attack on the Resistance. And then they could have ruled together. 

Or  _ something _ . 

For now, she wanted to learn from him. It seemed ludicrous, somewhat; she was training with his mother in the Resistance. What did she want  _ him  _ to teach her? What would she do with his help? How could he train his enemy? 

Except, she didn't feel like an enemy to him. She felt like a... sister ? No, he wouldn't know about that. A comrade? A rival? That was Hux. She felt like... 

She felt like a part of him, a part that had been missing. It was why he had recognized her, in the snowy woods, after his initial shock and awe at her very existence. It was an unsettling realization. Snoke was gone, and this girl - he should stop thinking of her as some  _ girl  _ \- this young woman as strong as him in the Force, was there. She had  _ freed  _ him from Snoke. 

The conflict in him was as raw as ever. His feelings for her directly at war with his feelings for himself. He could spend months grooming her, turning her to the Dark side, using the same shameful manipulations Snoke had with him. He could, but then he would hate her, and she him, and the whole scheme would be moot. So... could he teach her Dark abilities and keep her in the Light? Could he come into the Light and still be the monster? If he wasn’t the monster... 

He would not find any answers by speculating in his bed. He tested the Bond. 

He found her asleep. Their schedules were a few hours off. He looked at her for a few moments, at her lithe form - she was gaining some meat from a proper diet and exercise; that was good. She seemed peaceful. She had deep set eyes, high cheekbones, a delicate nose, symmetrical features, and a pleasant mouth, now that she wasn't grimacing at him. She was pretty, he decided. Unlike him, a disfigured monster. 

He was tempted to wake her to ask her some questions, then thought to just probe her gently instead. He could get some idea of what she wanted from him then. 

He moved in close and put his hand near her temple, covering nearly half her face with his too-big hand, not touching her. 

At the forefront of her mind were the isolation and expectations she felt from the rest of her peers, even as she trained with them and with Leia. To see his mother pained him, so he shied away from that. He found doubt and hope he would respond to her message. He found how Rey wanted him to teach her the Dark side of the Force, so she could better use it. 

Why did she want that; where had it come from? He went deeper and found a wound that had scarred into a hard, ugly, angry place. He pulled back. It upset him more than it should. Moving away from that place, he saw how she saw him and how she still wanted to trust him. He pulled all the way out and then sat there, looking at her as the link faded. 

He should not have been surprised at what she had endured. She wasn't the first wretch he had come across. With his Ren brothers, he had participated in a "party" they improvised during some of their raids. Once. Never again. 

Never again. 

He decided to accept the responsibility. He would train her to make her stronger. 

**

She was fixing the repulsorlift of a speeder when all sound went out, announcing a Force-bond. It was to be a full one, too. It was a good thing she was sitting a bit out of the way of the others. She closed her eyes, took a couple deep breaths and opened them again.

He was sitting on some kind of padded chair. He looked like he'd fixed himself up: his hair was combed, his high-collared shirt was pressed, his hands were clean. In contrast, she was in dirty overalls and she was certain to have a few grimy spots on her face. Her nails were black. It didn't matter. 

His face was calm, but his eyes were guarded, her request must have confused him. 

"I accept," he said simply.   


"I - you do? You're not angry with me anymore?" 

"No. Are you?" 

"Some. I mean - this will help diminish that." 

He was so surprised by her boldness, he had to repress a laugh - she was so young! 

Then as he looked at the oil-slick component in her hand, he had an idea. 

"In exchange, you can help me improve my knowledge with engines." It was an impulsive demand, and he wondered why he'd said it. 

"I could? It would be a fair trade. Done. When do we start?" 

"After you tell me why you are asking for it now." He wanted to hear her say it. 

"Because I don't see why I have to choose and cut myself off from half of my potential." 

"Ah. That's a good answer. Why don't you just come over to me- my side then?" 

"Because I love life." 

There was no arguing with that. He would never think of her as ‘the girl Rey’ again. "Are you available in six hours?" 

"I can see you're sitting in a chair, I can see about two feet around you. Can you see what I'm doing? We can start right away, I have my hands in it now," she offered. 

She was ready to start first. He could see the open panel beside her. 

"I don't have that much control over the Link. If it cuts out, it's not my fault." 

"All right. Let's see. First of all, what I'm holding is a ..." 

When the Bond faded, he had just enough time to schedule their next class. It had lasted an amazing twenty minutes, and they had established the basis of what he knew and what she had available for him. 

He spent an hour drafting some kind of plan for her: some Force-abilities but also some fighting forms too. He had seen her in action: she seemed to pick up quickly what he was doing, probably through their shared connection. He should try and tap into that for himself. 

He hurried to his meeting. He wasn't technically late, since he was the Supreme Leader, but making them wait gave them more reasons, and more time, to plot against him. 

When it was time, the connection came right away, but lasted only fifteen minutes. He had planned on Focused-Rage. He certainly knew  _ that one _ well enough. He barely had enough time to explain the concept and remind her of their battle on Starkiller Base before the connection broke, leaving a dark memory. They would continue on the morrow. 

** 

That night was an odd night. Like anything that had to do with her, he found himself flailing. Eight years with the First Order had been just that: ordered. He'd had a clear schedule, meetings, parades, inspections, training, meals, rest. He had received his missions according to information gathered by a team. He would accomplish them with his Knights of Ren. The most chaotic thing in his life had been himself. For the past six months though, he had been trying to contain the chaos she'd brought him. He'd kept an eye on her, keeping his distance, trying to manage his new responsibilities and push forward their Mission; knowing where she was, or rather  _ how _ she was, fit that mission.

She meant nothing to him. Or at least nothing more. No more than a fellow Force-User student needing a teacher. Right. 

Waking with a start meant he'd fallen asleep. She was there, looking at him. It was only fair after his previous intrusion and that made him nervous. She gave him a little smile. He smiled back and it startled her. The Bond blinked out.


	2. Fair Trade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and the promiscuity of one-on-one lessons.

She ran. This time it was just a meditative run. It was easy to forget they were supposed to be enemies. It didn't feel like they were enemies. She had been surprised by his request to show him things in return. She had expected him to be arrogant about knowledge, but Luke  _ had  _ said he was a dutiful student, applied and meticulous. According to Luke, he'd become more erratic at the beginning of his twenties. At first Luke had thought it was the usual teenage outbursts, but then Ben had started getting out of hand and that was when he'd decided to have a deeper look into his nephew. Then all Hell had broken loose. 

She'd been surprised by his appearance this morning, and tempted to Force-probe him while he was vulnerable, but then he'd woken and she'd given an embarrassed smile. And he'd smiled back. 

Kylo Ben had smiled back at her. The sight flashed before her eyes and she stumbled. 

***

A few lessons went by without much of a hitch, but they never seemed to have enough time. It was hard to test progress. 

Then one day their meeting started out badly. He saw her wipe tears and try to compose herself, but he asked anyway: "What's wrong?" 

"Jorbra Parspick died. His fighter blew up. I feel so awful." 

He had been looking forward to seeing her; he pushed down frustration. "What? How?" 

"We didn't have a proper replacement part. I suggested an alternative and it seemed to work. Until it didn't." She started crying again, eyes red and nose running. She wiped it on her sleeve.

"Oh, I'm sorry. For your loss. It's terrible." He was babbling. "It's not your fault." 

"It  _ is _ . We should have tested it more. I shouldn't have risked it. We're so broke..." She looked up sharply at him. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, you must be happy to have one less enemy to deal with." But what she saw on his face was anything but triumph. 

It didn't make him happy. "I- I don't know what to say," he replied lamely, then fell silent. He reached out to take her hand, tentatively. She clasped it. Their minds bridged. 

He sensed the comfort she needed and, after his initial surprise, he offered it to her. 

Once again she trusted him. Was she a fool? Only if he was fooling her. He felt conflict in himself again. 

Their factions were still at war, but a cease-fire was unofficially in effect. The Resistance was too weak to do anything now. Without an effective Resistance, and having destroyed the Republic, the First Order went about its business of annexing more of the galaxy, seemingly without any obstacle. Within months they would be as great as the Old Empire had been. 

His hunt for the Jedi was also at an end: only his own mother, and his ...  _ protégée _ ? were left. Therein his inner conflict. Killing the past had not released him from his pain.

With both Luke and Snoke gone, it was harder to find rage, and that was the basic truth of it. There was plenty of fear and shame to go around, but even the anger he had felt towards Luke was gone, faded as his old mentor had. He was free, and he was lost. And he was the Supreme Leader of it all. 

***

For weeks, the Bond had been useful, even compliant, but now it was unreliable. They would have to meet. They agreed on a planet for a couple lessons on the morrow. 

That night, he turned and tossed in his bed. Being alone in his head meant a different kind of loneliness but also a return of intimacy. For the first time in years, he caressed himself. It was strange, at first, re-discovering a part of himself he had been policed on until he had given it up. He was surprised the arousal had even come up, like it had woken from a long slumber. He stared at it like an alien thing for a while, and then grabbed it and beat at it in a detached way, thinking he could satisfy the urge in an efficient way and be done with it quickly. After a few minutes of mechanical stroking, it went numb, and he let it go. He was still aroused, but he was not doing what his body wanted. 

His body wanted affection.

So many years of denial, of treating his body like a mechanical tool, even as he fed it, trained it, washed it, and trained it again. Even as he kept his mind separate from it as much as he could when Snoke decided it was time for a lesson that ultimately ended in punishment. Even as he cared for the wounds afterwards. His body was an object; it had not even really been his. Until recently. 

He put his hand on his heart and closed his eyes, feeling his heart beat, listening to his own breathing. He was not going to die, he decided. He let his hands move over himself, trying to remember a time before his heart had been broken years ago, when he thought a girl he had met cared about him. When he had offered his body to her, thinking it worthy of giving and receiving some kind of comfort. How she had made him feel about himself. 

Before Snoke had intervened and put an end to that. 

He let himself feel his muscles, and his skeleton where it was close to the skin, hips, shoulders. He felt his scars, and he felt where his skin was still soft. He felt where it was bare, and where it was fuzzy, and where it was hairy. He touched his breast and felt his nipple tingle; he felt the space between his legs and the weight of his testicles, filled with a life that was being wasted. He brought his fingers to his face and smelled his own smell, and tasted his own taste. 

When he took himself in hand again, it was with a more gentle touch, like taming and rewarding an animal - his animal. He pet himself, and this time the feeling was there. Instead of being separate from it, he let himself sink into his own body and finally there was pleasure. 

When he climaxed, it was a subdued thing, but it felt good and that was really the only thing that mattered. There was a flash of shame but he was done with that. 

He was thirty years old, a man. 

***

When they finally met, Rey knew immediately something about him had changed; he was calmer than she had ever seen him. He was strangely more present, or maybe less intent on impressing her with his Presence. He was more confident, she decided. 

While the morning air was still fresh, they trained martial forms using dull wooden swords. She was used to the staff, but unless she made her light-saber into one, she had to adapt her fighting style. He was in full form, so he beat her again and again, and helped her up each time, graciously, carefully avoiding emotions that would trigger Force-abilities. They had agreed on working those later. By mid-morning, she was better able to parry his attacks, and was feeling pretty good about herself, in spite of the welts and bruises she had acquired. 

They took a break and swapped roles. 

She had traveled in a small ship that needed some work, and he brought the parts she had asked for. Good parts. He refused payment for them, he certainly didn't need the money, and the hands-on experience was more than enough compensation. They spent the better part of two hours taking apart the housing to get to the faulty mechanism, changing it, then putting everything back together. Proper testing was another hour. 

She looked at him and thought of how odd it was to see him with grimy hands and streaks on his face. He had put his hair up in a bun and his ears stuck out each side of his head like a boy's and she found the sight strangely endearing. They had been pressed together reaching into the small space of the housing but never did she feel threatened by him. When they finished he seemed satisfied. They washed their hands and their faces and shared their lunches, sitting in the shadow of a large tree in the center of the clearing they had chosen to work in. He spoke of the worlds he had visited with his family before... before, and Rey told him of days where she had been particularly bold and taken greater risk to reach some rare part she knew would feed her for days. 

In the late afternoon, the clearing was cool again and they worked hand-to-hand combat using Force-shield and push. He found himself justifying his teaching her by telling himself a Force Wielder should never be beaten by a mere Stormtrooper, that only he should merit the honor of defeating her. It was a strange way to think of it, especially when he had a flashback of her soundly defeating him on Starkiller base, and how that had made him feel. He stumbled and she pushed him back and he fell. She walked up to him and offered her hand to pull him back up and in that moment their eyes met: hers with a hint of worry that she might have hurt him, his full of the memory of the awe he had felt then. She looked away. There was a moment's silence. 

"It's time I get back," he announced. 

"Me too," she answered, "thank you," she added, "It was a good day." 

"It was. Do you want to meet again?" He felt the need to ask, though it was obvious she did. They agreed to come back in a Standard Week. 

**

Rey had picked a single-pilot long-distance shuttle as her favorite, even arranging a retractable berth in it as a makeshift private room. She told them the sound of their snoring in the open-space of the common quarters kept her awake, but what she really wanted was some privacy. On Jakku, life had been bleak, and apart from the occasional glass of water, she had had few pleasures. One of them was between her legs, and she had never been embarrassed by that. The urges would come in waves, and lately, she had felt more of them. They seemed to be triggered by a smell, though she couldn't quite place it. It wasn't from the kitchens, thought those certainly triggered hunger. Sometimes she smelled it near the grease-laden motors she worked on. She smelled it on her training path too, and she would finish her day with some well-deserved relief. 

On their third training day, it was particularly hot. The temperature wasn't so much the trouble for her as was the humidity. Kylo Ben was feeling the worse for it though, and they discussed finding a more temperate climate in the future. Rey had decided to construct a lightstaff and Ben accepted letting her train with a wooden one this time. They would, in fact, work on the staff later today. 

It was hard work to adapt her usual fighting style to the new weapon: Kylo had the idea to smear with grease a length of wood on each end of the practice staff so she would remember not to grip the plasma blades themselves, keeping her hold more in the center of the weapon. 

It wasn't long into the training when Kylo stopped and took his padded tunic off. He would forgo the protection, so he would just have to take the hits, if she could hit him. She looked at him and he was terribly pale, a sharp contrast to his black hair and dark eyes. He was also as big and muscular as she remembered seeing him that time she had called him a monster during an early Force-Bond. Now she was hot, and took her own tunic off, so they were both much more vulnerable in simple tank tops. After an hour, they were covered in sweat and greasy welts. She had to clean her own grime covered hands. 

They took a break and sat beneath a tree that was becoming their favorite. As they ate their snacks together, she smelled that smell that excited her. It was very strong this time. She turned to find it and of course... it was him. She was immediately aroused. He was sitting beside her, drinking from his canteen and she could see the play of muscles in his arm and shoulder, saw him tilt his head back, the motion of his throat as he took a swallow. A drop of water rolled down his chin. From this angle she could see the hair plastered with sweat in his armpit, and she felt herself slowly falling towards it. He turned to her with surprised eyes and she got up hurriedly. 

"I have to go make water." She announced, and left hurriedly. 

Working with Kylo Ben, especially the hand-to-hand combat, had started to affect her. Not only was he in top-shape, but he was graceful to look at. He would give little grunts with effort, and an encouraging “yes” and “good” when she managed to get past his defense to score a hit on him. And now, she knew his musk. For the past week, when she got hot and touched herself, she had done so with the memory of his smell on her mind. 

She had to figure out what to do. 

It was obvious he didn't feel the same way about her. He was very professional; he treated her with respect. His offers to help had been, had been... 

Had been full of longing. 

Okay, let's say he  _ was  _ interested in her that way, he certainly wasn’t acting on it. He hadn’t asked her to ‘join him’ again, after she had turned him down. What would Supreme Leader Kylo Ren do with her? What would she do with him? Thinking of that did not help. Time was passing. She had to get back and pretend nothing was going on. 

When she entered the clearing, he was standing expectedly, and she saw he had started to worry. She apologized and they decided to get to the Lightstaff building right away. 

He travelled in his command shuttle, one of the perks of his rank. It had amenities, a little desk, power outlets, and he had brought tools, parts, and some metal tubes to make a housing with. As he started explaining to her what a kyber crystal was, and how to use it, he saw that she was distracted. He was surprised and disappointed; he thought for sure this would be the best lesson they would share. Something was troubling her, but he couldn't figure out what. 

He asked. To his amazement, the question embarrassed her. Then she told him boldly: "You know I'm a woman, right?" 

It was his turn to be embarrassed. "Yes, but I don't let that interfere in our training." 

He hoped that was the proper response. 

Her face fell a little at that, then she said: "Well, as a woman, I have um, cycles. And I'm in the middle of one right now." There, that must be the rational explanation to her body reacting in such an inappropriate way to the smell of Supreme Leader Kylo  _ fucking  _ Ren. 

_ Oh _ . "I- um, do you need to excuse yourself? Do you have um, cramps? I think I have some pain-killers somewhere in here. I… don't have any… any..." He trailed off. He was trying hard to deal with this adult situation in an adult way. 

"Cramps? No, I don't- I mean yes, um, I'll take those pain-killers, thank you." 

He got up and rummaged through the little pharmacy box in the fresher. She was lying to him. Not exactly lying. He thought of probing her mind, but for some reason, was terrified of what he might find if he did. When he came back, she had her head in her hand and a far away look in her eyes, a worried frown on her brow. She accepted the pill and gave him a little smile of gratitude. 

There was no more progress that day. She apologized profusely and they parted early, planning the next meeting in another week, but in a cooler climate. 

The first thing she did when she made it back to base was ask the medical Officer for a contraceptive. No questions asked. 

**

Rey had left behind the kyber crystal, which meant she was now weaponless. In a symbolic way, he had won the tug of war between them. He felt foolish thinking that. They were closer than they had ever been, but today something had changed yet again and he would have to adapt to that change. He thought back on what she had asked: "You know I'm a woman, right?" 

Somehow, his "proper" response had disappointed her. And then, from the depth of his memory, another exchange between them: 

"You're a  _ monster _ !" 

"Yes I  _ am _ ." 

_ Rey. You know I'm a monster, right? _


	3. The River

Eventually, he dreamed of her. He had dreamed of her before. Dreams in which she was his obedient apprentice, or they sat Snoke's throne - his throne, now - together. He would think of her pretty face and the different emotions he could read there: anger, gratitude, disappointment, grief; sometimes satisfaction and happiness. Unlike him, she wasn't very practiced at hiding them yet, and anyway he was sensitive enough to feel them when she was near. A new emotion was weaving through now, and he wasn't sure what it was. It was a struggle for her as she repressed it. It was a struggle for him as he could only guess at what it could be. 

He had only recently accepted pleasuring himself as a form of self-care, just as he had decided to take better care of himself in general. Rediscovering his body had eased his soul, and he was certain his staff were grateful for his better mood and greater patience. Training with Rey was the other secret to his newfound balance. He tried to keep the two separate, but eventually, she appeared in his mind as he was reaching climax, a clear image of her reaching for his arm to help him get back up. The intensity of his pleasure surprised even him. 

They met again in the same clearing even if they knew it would be too warm come high noon. Showing up at the break of dawn gave them some cool morning time for the physical work. They went about it very efficiently, very professionally. She decided to push herself even more than she usually did, being careful to avoid direct physical contact. When they took breaks, she sat further away and chatted about life with her Resistance family, though she was careful to avoid giving away any important information. He listened to her, and when he spoke he was not nearly as careful with First Order plans. He wanted her to be safe. He was betraying his own Empire and it was becoming evident he should just leave the whole thing behind. 

By the end of the morning, it was sweltering hot again. There was a river nearby and Ben - he was not Kylo when he was with her - decided he would go for a swim before lunch. She followed him. He stripped down to his shorts and dove in, letting the cool waters rinse him of sweat and soothe the morning's numerous welts and bruises. He swam upstream for a few minutes, a small satisfaction at being stronger than the river was. 

Rey sat on a flat rock on the bank, her feet dangling in the water but no more. She was looking at it wistfully. She couldn't swim. He walked back to her, meandering a bit to find a place where the water was not too deep and the current not too swift for her. He found a good sized area in a bend and looked back to invite her to join him there, giving her a bright smile. She blushed furiously but got up, stripped down to her skivvies, walked into the water precariously to meet him. 

Looking at her come towards him, his heart started beating a different thrum, and he realized a change in their relationship was becoming inevitable. They had started as enemies, had been Forced into a kind of friendship over the past few months. Now it seemed friendship would not be enough. 

Watching him over the past few weeks, Rey realized how happy their time together made him. Not just satisfied, but happy. Freeing himself of Snoke was completely changing him. Parts of his persona that had been stunted were growing, and spending time with her was good for him. He was much more patient, even as he pushed her to perform better at what he was teaching her. He studied the material she gave him and never shirked his homework either. She saw that the longing to possess her she had seen at first was changing as well. And right now, as she was moving into deeper waters to join him, that longing had become a simple gift.

She reached him where she was just above waist deep and he was crouched to cover his shoulders. He held out his hand and she grasped it, their hands touching for the first time in weeks and their minds bridged again. Emotions moved through the bond, dispelling doubts. Still holding his hand, she took a deep breath and let herself sink into the cool waters, submerging herself completely in an act of utter confidence in him. 

He choked back a sob as he saw her disappear under water, keeping his hand steady. He was responsible for her safety. When she came back up, he drew her close. 

She was in over her head. He turned his back to her, told her to hang on to him and she did. Then he started to swim. She felt his every muscle move under her, the heat of him, his skin against hers, his heart beat, his breath come in strong. He told her to take a deep breath and they went under for a few seconds, her closed eyes making the experience even more intense. He came back up again and continued swimming, the water caressing her whole body. 

Eventually, time started again. "I'll teach you to swim", he said, when they reached shallow waters again. She walked back to the flat rock and he plunged back in, this time swimming at full strength to spend energy that had built up during the intimacy of the moment. She watched him, dealing with her own heat. It was now just a question of when. 

They dried in the sun, and then ate their lunch under the shade of the tree.. They built most of the staff during the afternoon. When it came time to part, it was harder than it had ever been, and only the promise to meet again in the next week made it bearable. 

That night, her fingers were not enough. In her imagination, she added the feel of his skin, the sound of his breathing, the muscular feel of his body to his scent. The sight of his face. She almost called out to him through the Force-bond but resisted; she wanted the real Ben. 

Ben was having his own issues. Remaining in the First Order was a dangerous, pointless situation. He would arrange a meeting with his mother. He reached for Rey. 

She jumped and covered herself, blushed a bit and took a deep breath before facing him. He had a very serious air about him, and she was spared embarrassment as he obviously was focused on something important. "Rey," he asked, "can you arrange a meeting?" 

"Of course, but why?" 

"I want to parley. I want to see the path forward. I want to make peace." 

_ *I want to make love.* _ The thought hung between them, unbidden, unspoken, neither quite ready to claim it yet. The Bond fizzed out. 

***

Leia listened to Rey's proposal and account of the past few weeks of secret rendez-vous. Snoke's death had indeed freed her son. Rey told of the exchange of training, admitting the initial need to learn Dark side abilities, emphasizing Ben's insistence on balancing out the trade. Leia took it all in, amazed at so much progress, until she detected an area of unease. As much as she tried, Rey could not hide her feelings for Ben. A trip to the medical office confirmed Leia's doubts. She accepted the meeting. 

***

Of course the first thing he did when he saw his mother again was burst into tears, and she shooed a shocked Poe and the others away. She let him cry it out, saying nothing, just rubbing his back as he shook with great wracking sobs. She let her own tears fall silently, having mostly dealt with her grief during the past months. He finally got a hold of himself again, apologized profusely and washed his face in the ‘fresher before sitting down with her again. 

He told her of his untenable situation in the First Order. He told her his version of the time he had spent with Rey, also keeping some reserve, although the look on his face when he spoke of it told Leia all she had to know. She also understood that there was still some space between them. 

After a while, Leia spoke: 

"Ben, what is wrong with the First Order?" 

He had expected her to berate him. He looked at her in surprise, she was not going to tell him what it was. 

"The First Order is afraid of what it can't control. Of diversity. Of Freedom." 

"Son, I want you to find out what real powers you have over them. Don't run away to us and become a minor part in an interminable struggle. You have a chance to make a real difference here." 

He swallowed, hard: he had seized the Power. Now he had to use it. 

"And Ben," she added, "Please don't take Rey until you are fully committed to her." 

***

Rey ran to them as soon as the ship landed. A bewildered Poe and Finn helped Leia down the ramp; it seemed she would never fully recover from her suit-less space-walk. Rey had seen the memory of the command bridge blowout from Ben's mind, it was one of the things that had redeemed him in her mind. 

The meeting must have gone well, since they were coming back unharmed, but he was not with them. She looked at the sky above: he was not coming in another ship either. She looked to Leia. 

"He's staying with the First Order." The Leader of the Resistance told her, dashing Rey's hopes, "to see if he can change it from the inside." 

"He's… what ?" 

Leia shared with her some of what she had discussed with her son: find those officers who were of a more open-minded nature and make allies of the courageous ones. Encourage them to think of ways to make the First Order a more benevolent force. Make good ideas into actual policies. 

Get rid of the intolerant and the cowards that are beholden to the War industry. Of course, it was the best thing to do… for the Galaxy. She just wished it would do more for her. "Oh, and Rey? He really enjoys your arrangement."   


Speaking with him through the Bond confirmed it: he was going to be a better Leader. Was there any parts she needed for the next engine maintenance class? 

***

When they next met, it was on another, though similar planet. Landing in a spot just as the suns' rise, in a grassy clearing, with access to water seemed idyllic now. For a while, they were able to keep cool and concentrate on their respective roles, sometimes teacher, sometimes student. He told her of his progress: he did find some better people in his entourage, they presented themselves to him the moment he opened his mind to them. He’d also picked up on the more dangerous ones; Hux for one, was far from repentant after having destroyed the whole Hosnian system. As competent as he was, he had to be replaced. A few weeks passed and then Ben discovered who could do it: a Colonel Adia Sanapen. 

"A woman?" 

"Yes. Very strong. Just needs a chance to prove her worth." 

"Ah. Yes. A chance." Sudden malaise. Ben looks at Rey, but she quickly looks away, blushing. She wiped a grimy hand on her grimy overalls. "Can you finish connecting this by yourself? I'm going to get some fruit and water." He watched her walk away and decided she was filling out those overalls in the best possible way. He could wait, he reminded himself for the hundredth time. 

Rey reached the ship. She was trying her honest best to keep things simple between them while he was risking discovery and his life every day to bring peace to the Galaxy. She couldn’t be a distraction to him now. 

But what if that woman - a  _ colonel  _ \- was a better match for him? Something ugly stirred in her heart. She knew what it was: she felt it when another scavenger would find a prized part out of an area she had been certain had been cleared out. 

She decided she must claim him for herself. She picked up water and brought back fruit to share between them. 

They hurried the repair and testing as the temperature suddenly dropped and the sky turned dark and menacing. Rain fell, soon followed by punishing hail and they took refuge in the bat-like command shuttle. As wonderful as the sights and sounds of a hailstorm were, Rey shivered uncontrollably and winced with every thunderclap. Ben found her a fine bantha-wool blanket and they sat for a while in the cockpit, staring at nature's fury. 

"I miss home," she suddenly said, surprising herself. 

"What,  _ Jakku _ ?" 

"Yeah. The endless blue sky. The wind over the dunes. The sun warming me in the morning. I miss the treasure hunt in the wreckage, and the satisfaction of prying loose a part I know is worth something. I even miss my AT-AT home." 

"Do you want to go? I could take a week off for that." 

Rey's heart started up. A week with Ben. Alone with him on Jakku. Going on a scavenger hunt! "That would be incredibly foolish." 

"Ok, let's do it. I need a vacation."


	4. Return to Jakku

Hux was bewildered. "A  _ vacation _ ?" 

"Yes. For security reasons, I'm not telling you where. I don't want a squadron of troopers watching me fish, or follow me around in a museum, or guard me while I have a cup in a cafe. I'm not even taking the Knights of Ren." 

"Supreme Leader, is this really necessary? What about the raids we have planned for next week?" 

"Cancel them, or go ahead without me. Work with Colonel Sanapen, she needs the experience. I'll keep in touch." 

*

"Leia, I'm going to Jakku for a few days. I'd like to borrow a ship." 

"Homesick?" Leia knew all about homesickness. 

"You can tell? It's funny, I know. But it was home for so long." 

"Who are you taking with you?" 

"Who am I- Uh..." 

"I see." As conflicted as Leia felt about the situation, she had no control over it. "Rey... don't rush it." 

The more she planned their next few days, the more excited Rey got: here was a great opportunity for learning the difference between junk and useful parts, and how to improvise to adapt their finds. She packed the light freighter with water and rations, and tools and wiring and anything else she could think of. And double the bedding, just to be on the safe side - in case. In case of what… she wasn’t sure. 

Finding a rendez-vous point was simple enough. He took his prototype TIE-fighter  _ Whisper  _ to an insignificant mining colony and she picked him up there. When she saw him, she did a double take: he was wearing tan leathers and a cream-colored shirt. His hair was bound in that bun-style she liked so much. He had brought the rations and the rest of what they needed to complete the lightstaff; and a few other useful items she had asked for: silk rope and thermal blankets. 

"This is your cabin", she showed him a room. "I gave you the bigger one, obviously". 

It would take them almost two standard days to get there, so they took turns piloting the craft. They ate together and he showed her a dice game he had played with his jedi class mates, so many years ago. 

They completed the light-staff. It was a wonderful weapon: she could activate both or just one end of the staff, making the weapon a long-handled but more powerful lightsaber, like a glaive. There was no room to swing it around in the little ship, so she was eager to get out in the open and try it out. She looked at his crazy cross-hilted red saber: "Why don't we fix that to make it more stable?" 

"No." 

She looked at him: his face had darkened. Better to let that go. 

That night, as she lay in her bunk, the absurdity of her situation struck her. Kylo Ren was guarding her sleep. Later, she would guard his. She almost laughed until she thought of what else she was hoping for. She tried to imagine it as best as she could: touching him, he touching her. The only real experience she had had ended in death and trauma. She shied away from that, decided to reach for more pleasant thoughts like that swim in the river.    
  
They had not done so again, for reasons obscure, but the memory clung to her like a wet shirt: again and again, she felt him move under her, straining against the current. She rolled on her stomach, onto the pillow, remembering his breathing as it synched with his strokes. Becoming blind and immersed in another world of sound when they had submerged, feeling his heart beat strongly against hers that was just crazy. She had laid her head across his shoulder blade, his skin only centimeters away from her lips. She imagined kissing him there. 

She reached under her mound, slipping fingers between wet folds and started to rock her body. 

Ben was half awake, half in a meditative trance, watching the stars streak by in the cockpit's viewport when he felt himself harden. On the edge of his consciousness, feelings were weaving in. Pleasant feelings that were not his own. Pleasure that was coming from her, barely a dozen feet away from him, a thin plasteel door separating them. 

He has been resisting for weeks. Taking her on that swim had added much more to his repertoire of feelings for her than he had prepared for. The remembered sensations of her hair flowing on his shoulder blades; her arm around his neck; her legs brushing against his; her small breasts and tummy rubbing on his back. The tension and relaxation of her body holding on to his and especially that complete trust in him. In Ben Solo. And now, mere feet away from him, he knew what she was doing, and thinking those same things while doing it. 

He was trapped in a bubble in space, with her pleasure mounting and reaching a crescendo. She would be the death of him. When she finally - finally - climaxed, he flooded his shorts. It was that, or throw himself out an airlock. Banging on her door, yelling at her to stop had not been an option. Banging on her door, begging her to let him in... well, that had almost happened. The next thing he would teach her would be how to better shield herself from him.

She fell asleep, feeling quite content, and he remained in a daze for the next four hours, trying and failing at different distractions. When later she emerged, he stumbled past her to his own cabin and passed out from sheer exhaustion. 

He woke to the feeling of the ship leaving hyper-space. For a moment, he debated returning the favor - two could play that game - but reluctantly decided against it. She had not seemed aware he had been privy to her ministrations. He was, however, done resisting. If she came for him, she would have him, lock, stock and barrel. 

Every inch of it. 

**

He showered quickly to conserve water, dressed lightly, and they broke their fast, listening to her detail what she had planned. She would show him her old world today. They landed near the half buried wreck of her old home. It was early afternoon, and when the ramp airlock opened the air hit them like a solid wall of heat and the flinty smell of sand and dust brought back a slew of memories. The heat was scorching; she brought out a jug of water as she made her way to the entrance of the transporter. She called out. "Hello, is anyone home? I used to live here? I have water!" She waited. Nothing. 

On instinct, she left the jug near the entrance: whoever had taken over her dwelling needed it for certain. She took Ben on a tour of the exterior of it, remembering the spot where she had eaten in silence, watching ship after ship leave the planet for places she could barely imagine. They sat together for a moment, but it was too hot to stay. 

"Why don't we go in? No one's here." Ben asked; it was worse than uncomfortable for him, he was starting to burn. 

"I'm not so sure. We could get shot." 

"So use the Force to find out." 

"Use the… of course." She closed her eyes. After a moment she sensed no person. There was something else though. "Be careful, she said, there's at least one rat or some other critter." 

They walked in. The place had been ransacked. There was so much dust, it was obvious no one had moved in. That was a bad sign. "Ben, don't move." 

"What?" 

She heard them before she saw them. "Get out! Quick!" 

They both heard them then, a hissing warning. "Pole snakes. Probably a mating pair. Vicious. Deadly." 

It took almost half an hour to get rid of the vermin, as they slinked away into nook and cranny. They finally managed to catch them using the Force to find and grasp them. They were thick bodied, muscular snakes. Rey cut off their heads and promptly flayed and gutted them for dinner. "This is gonna be a treat, you'll see", she also extracted the venom carefully: it was worth quite a bit on the market, so were the eggs, but they would eat those.    
  
While she was preparing their catch, Ben looked around the wreck she had once called home. There wasn't much there anymore, so she told him about the things she had: the little stove, her bedding, some stock. The dead desert rose was trampled on the ground. The stuffed doll had disappeared. The AT-AT's computer had been ripped out, and that tore at her: she had learned so much from having it. Everything she knew, really. 

Ben finally saw the far wall, it was covered in marks: the days Rey had counted. Her immense loneliness on display, measurable. He had tried to kill his past while hers had been ripped away from her, or had truly abandoned her. He heard a single sob behind him and turned to see her face stricken with grief. He moved close and put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him a bit, but then straightened. Tears were a waste of water. 

They decided to sleep in her old quarters after all, so they spent the rest of the daylight cleaning it out and moving needed stuff in. Supper in her favorite spot, with added vegetables - a real luxury - and watching shuttles lift off from Niima Outpost, while sitting close together was a moment she would cherish forever. 

Kylo sat with the Last Jedi, listening to the wind blow over the color-shifting dunes that went on forever. Creatures called to each other. He was more exposed here than he had been in years, yet for the first time he finally felt free and at peace - like a natural creature, instead of someone's feral dog. Two moons rose as the temperature dropped. They went back inside. They conversed for a while, playing dice, then Rey took first watch. There was no real need for it, but she needed the quiet time alone with her thoughts. Her mind drifted to a harder, simpler time. Now her life was much more comfortable, but complicated. She had brought Ben Solo here in the hopes of "claiming" him, but really, she thought the Supreme Leader would claim  _ her _ . A tremor traversed her core and she realized she was not quite ready yet.

She reset the sensors at the entrance then went inside after Kylo Ben fell asleep, finding her way near him with a little oil light. She looked at him for a little while after placing her bedroll a couple feet away from him. She listened to his breathing, watched his peaceful face. It said volumes about their relationship that he trusted her like this, although, being the Beacon of Light, she could hardly murder him in his sleep. She didn't even want to anymore, and it was obvious he wouldn't kill her either. 

He started to move fitfully in his sleep and shifted to a curl on his side. His breath quickened. A low whine escaped his lips and she realized he was having a nightmare. She moved to sit closer to him, thigh against his back, put her hand on his bare shoulder to try and calm him out of it. It went on, with him clenching and unclenching his fists, his jaw. She rubbed his back, feeling the criss-cross of scars there, trying to soothe him, then caressed the hair out of his face and saw her mark there. Was he dreaming of when she had disfigured him?    
  
He wasn't really disfigured, she decided.The scar made him more menacing, but not ugly. Not to her. He was beautiful to her. A beautiful monster. Some of her feelings must have traveled to him through the Bond because he finally relaxed. After a moment, she lay down with him and pushed herself close to him so they lay, spooned together. 

He woke in the pre-dawn, his knees cold, but feeling her warm against his back. He'd literally slept with the enemy. He got up and put some water on to heat.


	5. Being Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben let himself accept that truth. It resonated deep within him and he looked at Rey. Was he overcoming his deepest fear ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ map of Jakku](https://i.stack.imgur.com/KohES.jpg)

He didn't have to wait long before she woke too. "You had a nightmare," she told him, explaining their proximity. She sat with him, her face soft in the light of the rising sun. He reached and cupped her cheek in his hand, and she put her own over his, holding it there for a few seconds before letting it go. 

"Thank you," he told her. For soothing his nightmare. For trusting him now. For giving him the Light. For understanding the Dark. 

"Today, we find my speeder - I hope - and go to one of the better wrecks. With the Force, I should be able to reach spots no one could." 

They landed the freighter she had borrowed in the space port of Niima Outpost. Sure enough, someone had taken her glider, and after a few questions and some quality rations, she was pointed to who had it. It was Plutt. 

"I'm back," she told the junk Boss, when he finally opened his door. 

He eyed her sceptically. She had gained weight and lost color. She had disappeared for almost a year. The tall, dark-haired man standing with her was dressed for the desert, but the way he carried himself, and the sheer mass of him announced that he was definitely not a scavenger. Some mercenary, he surmised. 

"I see that. What do you want?" 

"My speeder. I'll be back with some good parts by the end of the day." 

"You look like you had better business than just scavenging recently. Why would you come back?"    
  
"None of your business." 

Plutt didn't think too long on punishing Rey for her escape. 

"Take it." 

When she saw it, she was overjoyed. That speeder had been the best thing in her life. Second best, with the AT-AT's computer being the best. She inspected the little craft, detailing its specifications to Ben as she was replenishing its fuel reserve. He listened intently: the re-purposing and hacking of the parts she had used were an ability that would come in useful if he had to flee the First Order and hide on some Outer Rim planet, like his father had. If he’d been given a choice, Ben Solo would have followed in Han Solo’s plasma trail. The Force and men more powerful than a tribeless smuggler had taken that away. A pang in his heart reminded him he’d destroyed that possibility himself, forever. He turned back to Rey’s beaten speeder. 

The seat was too small for two people. "We have two options: take the time to swap out the seating, or get a second speeder for you." 

Both options had their appeal. He had the credits for his own transport. "You think we'll find a lot of good parts?" 

"We should. Right. We'll get a second speeder." 

Gliding at full speed over the morning desert was an exhilarating experience, and once more he was filled with a thrill of freedom as the wind whipped about him and the motor thrummed under him. They saw the Graveyard of Giants well before they reached it. It was an extraordinary sight. He saw the fall of an Empire, and it filled him with dread and with awe all at the same time. A small band of brothers: his father, Chewie, his uncle, his mother, had cast it down. His grandfather had turned against Emperor Palpatine to save his children, and for the first time, Ben let himself accept that truth. It resonated deep within him and he looked over at Rey. Had he overcome his deepest fear ? 

After a moment's hesitation, Rey decided to re-visit her usual wreck. Even with the Force and better equipment, the physical instability and possible competition made the endeavor already dangerous enough. 

They found a shaded spot under one immense wing of an Imperial-class Star Destroyer - it cast a shadow large enough for moisture to linger in low places - parked their speeders, changed their masks to clear ones, and she once again adjusted his clothing and headscarf to protect his face from the dust and the elements. 

They stepped inside the wreck through a hole blasted through the hull into some officer's quarters, and Ben was taken into an entirely different world, every certainty he had lived with for the past ten years ripped away and smashed within seconds. He lost his footing and stumbled on the slanted floor. She reached to him and offered a solid hold. With only their little lights, the walk down the crooked corridors was not unlike some of his most fantastical nightmares, and his breathing came in fast and shallow. His mind kept trying to straighten the walls, to no avail. There was sand everywhere, and it made him itch just to see it. Panels were left wide open, wiring hanging out of them. Armor, still arranged in the shape of long dead troopers, lay in piles here and there, bones peeking out from the dust. Occasionally, he heard impossible metallic groans that seemed to bend the whole structure. He was in the belly of the carcass of some great beast. 

"How can you find your way around in here? It's a maze!" 

"Ah... you’ll have to think of how it was before it crashed. Those ships pretty much all have the same standard layout. Let your mind map it out. Or Hell, just use the Force, Ben. I probably did it for years without knowing it." 

He closed his eyes and did just that. He had faced worse things in his life than a slanted floor. He felt for faults in the structural integrity of the wreck instead. He also felt for lifeforms: there were rats in here, with snakes, bugs, and other scavengers. There were some small pools of water in places; large exposed panels of steelplast on the outside would catch moisture in the morning and condensation would trickle down walls and tubing to reach catch basins far below. "You know there's water in here?"

"Yeah. But it's either contaminated or impossible to get to." 

He thought about that. Jakku's entire economical hierarchy was built on the scarcity of water and the hard work of salvaging whatever parts and material were available in the huge ruins. The moisture farms all belonged to an Elite. Maybe, with proper equipment... his mind wandered thinking up ways to help the people of Rey’s tribe. 

At the end of the corridor was a tear in the wall and they walked out into a huge open area, where the ship had literally torn in half by the violence of its crash on Jakku. The area was lit by bright sunbeams coming in from the breach in the hull far above them. Columns of golden light, filled with sparkling dust motes slanted down like god-rays. Winged creatures flew between ship decks, their strange calls echoing throughout the cavernous structure. 

"Ok, now comes the hard part," she said. None of the lifts worked, and they would have to climb as high as they could. 

It took the better part of an hour to make it to a level she hoped had been less visited. Scaling up broken walls or columns, sometimes shimmying up ropes left behind by other scavengers, she had gone ahead, jumping and swinging on some sections to make sure it could hold his weight. She slipped a few times, the few kilos she had gained having already made a difference, hollering so he had time to Force-shield himself from the bigger debris. They Force-jumped to reach an overhang and sat to break for water and a protein rich wafer. They were both sweaty and tired from the exertion.    
  
"You did this everyday?" he asked. He was strong enough to lift twice his weight and then some, but pulling himself up again and again for an hour or more had been a challenge he was unused to. He looked at her with admiration: this "scavenger" had more will to live than he ever had. They sat, legs dangling over the vertigo-inducing view before them. It was thrilling. He put his arm around her and pulled her close, his heart beating from more than the struggle of keeping up with her. She leaned into him, silent, content. 

_I love her_ , he realized. 

*

They walked back into the darkness of twisted corridors and groped their way to one of the engine bays. A door at the end was opened with some difficulty and on the other side, there was little dust. Rey pushed forward excitedly; had they found a previously unexplored area? 

When they came across a series of untouched dashboards she squealed a little and lit the big lamp they had brought with them, illuminating five consoles. She took her tools out and proceeded to crack one open, commenting as she worked. "See this is one of the better finds we can hope for: the parts will be small and rare, better than heavy or cumbersome ones that are hard to lug back."    
  
The cover tilted back, revealing wiring and switches and a series of colored crystal tubes that glowed even in the bright light. She explained what they were and how to use them. They would trade a few with Unkar Plutt, because she wanted Kylo Ben - he was getting used to the nickname by now - to understand how people who were not Princes of Darkness lived. She pried each out carefully; the gas the tubes held was toxic to some extent; if one broke, they would have to move back and ventilate the room. The Scavenger showed him how to do it, then indicated the console beside her. He got to work. 

It was not so easy to remove them, and when he cracked one, she inspected it before declaring the part useless but unbreached. Five consoles, twenty four tubes. She carefully wrapped them tightly in some linen strips and divided them up into packs of six and shared them between them. They could stop right now and have found enough to get rations for a week. 

All of a sudden, Ben Solo saw a future of them leaving everything behind, and just living here, like this. It didn't seem so bad. He told her so. 

She scoffed at him: "We are incredibly lucky today and the day is not over." She moved to one of the wall panels and pried it open. Sure enough, there was something else of value there: prime flux cable. She peered up and down the interspace, shining light as far as she could see. Biting her lip in concentration she made a quick calculation: they could spend the next couple hours freeing what they could of the cable today, then come back to finish the job tomorrow. 

They had another food and water break; they were already at half water. 

She was glad she had him with her. She had only seldom paired up with another scavenger on jobs, and the intense competition always finished with a fight over scraps. Unkar Plutt always screwed a team more than he did an individual scavenger, fearing some kind of union or revolt. Now, scavenging with her Supreme Leader - how funny was that - she was not doing it for survival, but as a field trip for the last two known Force-Users in the galaxy. 

She took out the silk rope, tied it around herself in a comfortable tether and told Ben to lower her into the crawlspace between walls. He looked down where she wanted to go. "In  _ there _ ? Are you  _ sure _ ?" It was barely a meter across to its far wall. It was crowded with the cable, but also pipes, wires, and hooks and protrusions galore. Just looking at the claustrophobic space made him sweat. He certainly could not fit in there. 

"Yep, just keep tension in case I slip." She answered, and she went right in, head first and upside down. She called out to tie his rope to the solid pipe they had spotted when she reached the junction box. 

_ This girl can't swim, _ he reminded himself.  _ That's pretty much the only thing she can't do. _

For the next hour, she detached each cable carefully. When she was done, she curled up into a ball and turned herself around, breathing heavily as she struggled, and then climbed back up, to the entry panel. Then she continued up. 

"Ok," she called after a bit, "that's really high up. We should find a better access. Tomorrow." 

He heard her come back down. She slipped out and he picked her up in his arms, hugging her briefly before putting her down. They made their way out. It took another hour to make it out of the wreck, back to their speeders. Moving out from under the huge shadow was moving back under Jakku's scorching sun, so they drank most of the rest of their water and covered their faces before heading back to Niima Outpost.


	6. Blinded by the Light

At the outpost, they stopped by the shuttle and she queried the comms computer for the little tubes' worth on the common market, and on the black market. Then she made for Plutt's little shack. "Go home," she told Ben, "I'll be there soon. 

Unkar looked at her dubiously. She was alone again, apparently, the dark man he had seen her with maybe had tired of her and brought her back. She was dirty and a rip in her legging revealed a good size scratch on her thigh as well, so she had obviously worked in the wreckage today. The tube she was showing him was worth a little fortune, but he had a hard time gauging what he should give her for it. Too much, and she may decide to buy passage off the planet for good this time. Too little, and she might sell it to someone else before it made its way to him. He looked at the reserve of rations in the crate beside him. 

"Were there more?" 

"Yes. I think so," she waited, not giving anymore. 

"Two full rations then." 

"That's not very much." She was unafraid, and that made him suspicious. She never tried to negotiate with him before. He looked at the tubing once again: it was in pristine condition, a blue one at that. He counted out the portions and deliberately added another half to the little pile. "Bring me the others tomorrow, or I will send someone else to get them." 

He could do that, of course: beat the information out of her and then send more pliant scavengers to empty whatever cache she had found. She grabbed the portions and made her way back to her speeder, trading the half portion for water before making her way back home. Home. 

Ben had taken the shuttle to the squat, and was waiting for her while water boiled and he was cutting up some vegetables. She showed him her pay. 

"Are you serious?" 

"Wait 'till you taste it." 

It was cardboard, of course. 

"And tomorrow, we'll have to watch out because he's certain to send some spies after me. We'll have to keep watch tonight." 

She told him more about her life on Jakku, the routine, staying well away from the memory that was the source of her Darkness, though it was there, just under the surface. She went to her wall of days and just stared at it for a moment, realizing she didn't know how many marks there were, or when she had started keeping track. 

"Maz was right," she said softly, "they're never coming back." A wave of anger washed from her and Ben felt the other source of her Power. He had put it there, taking that hope away from her, calling her garbage, turning it into disdain. He knew that feeling well. 

"We should work forms" he suggested, and they went back outside to grapple with each other in the dying sun.

He was exhausted from a day of new experiences but he was also aroused from their sparring match. Being in her element, she had a confidence in herself that was greater than usual. She had beaten him a few times, when it had grown dark enough that he had been distracted by her breathing so close to him. He had almost reached for her and kissed her then. Instead, he'd fallen back. 

He took first watch. 

He was torturing himself and he knew it. It was delicious. He sat on top of the transport, watching the moons rise, listening to the desert whisper to him. Feeling himself hard in his breeches, he gave himself a squeeze, but no more; he could wait to be back on the  _ Steadfast _ . 

Rey lay in the blankets, unable to fall asleep. She could feel him, just a few feet above her on the other side of plasteel armored siding. It was strange to lie in her bed alone and not give in to her bedtime pleasure. Especially considering that she had been certain -  _ certain  _ \- their last spar would end in a kiss. He had preferred to yield to her in combat and she... could... have... followed... through. 

He was waiting. She could take him anytime she wanted. It was up to her. Supreme Leader of the First Order Kylo Ben was patiently waiting for the Scavenger from Jakku to take him. 

"You know I can take whatever I want," he'd told her in the interrogation room, before moving away from her. She was still terrified, but she wanted to run up there and  _ and and _

She heard movement above, a few steps, and her heart leapt in her breast, beating wildly. She held her breath and listened: nothing, then she heard him sit back down. It took her long minutes before sleep took her. 

Ben let her sleep. She'd been right; someone had tried to sneak up to their squat. Seeing the little freighter must have put them off. He'd stood up then to sense which way they'd gone: towards the Outpost. He put himself in a meditative state that relaxed the body, but sharpened the senses. He saw a shuttle take off in the pre-dawn and it spoke to him of the feeling of being trapped, and of seeing others break free. Then he saw a First Order Xi-class light shuttle land, and it gave him an entirely different feeling: one of dread. 

She called to him when she woke and gave him a dirty look when he walked in. "You were supposed to wake me. I can't have you stumbling along when we go back today. Eat your rations; you'll need your strength." 

At least they had quality caf and fresh fruit to help the cardboard bread go down. If he looked at it too closely, he was certain he could see tiny wings and legs. Protein. Yeah. Rey looked at his uneaten portion, gave him a laughing look and wolfed it down. She put extra in his pack. They left just as the sun was breaching the horizon. 

She took him on a roundabout route on their way to the undefiled cache they had found; checking along the way for other parts that would be more coherent with what they had actually come here to find: engine replacement parts. They found a few, and she told him what their use was aboard the Star destroyer, and how they could be recycled for smaller ships. They would actually modify one of the vehicles later today or tomorrow. 

When they sat for a break, she made him mix some of his ration crumbled into his water. It was absolutely awful. "I told you to eat. You thought it was bad when cooked. Ha!" She swirled the rest around in the canteen and swallowed it in one gulp. "It won't keep. No wasting." 

They sat in silence for a while looking over the improbable ruins. There was always some ominous creaking, a slide of sand, some panel crumbling away and crashing far below, a cascade of dust following it into a choking cloud below. A shadow appeared, eclipsing the sunlight as it hovered over the carcass for a minute, then was gone. "We have visitors." She got up and they moved further into the shadows; sure enough, they heard movement in the metallic ruins. Ropes snaked down from the top of the structure. Hidden in the shadows of a small recess, they watched in silence, huddled against each other, keeping still. She could feel his heartbeat, strong in his muscular chest, and it called to some primal instinct in her. 

She leaned into him and breathed in his musk. It was very strong, since they were conserving water. Desire rose in her, like a tide. She wondered what he thought of her own unwashed smell. "Hush," she told him, then she craned her head toward his face and kissed him, quickly, and looked back out the open tear. She felt his body stiffen in surprise, then his heart beat wildly. She put a hand on him - stay here - then crawled forward. She counted five competing scavengers. With no real-life pressure, this would be a game of Loth cats and a couple of roach-mice. She moved back to him. "We're stuck here," she whispered. "Don't make a sound." He nodded. Then she kissed him again. 

He closed his eyes. Trapped here with her, silenced and immobile, he was forced to passivity and she took the opportunity to touch him. She deepened the kiss as she ran her hands over his throat and collarbone. He shuddered and she warned him, "be still!" He let himself slide silently to his knees, and she followed him down, touching him all over: his arms, his chest, his mouth, his ears. Her tongue snaked out and he met it with his own, and he forgot how to breathe. 

"Keep a lookout!" she hissed, and his eyes flew open again. He looked over her shoulder at the two people he could see, one moving across the chasm from him, the other far to the right of them, coming in from a long crag. She reached under his shirt and rubbed a nipple with her palm and he moaned softly, keeping his eyes far from hers. He heard her hum under her breath. She broke the kiss and moved her mouth to his throat, kissing his sweat. She pushed his hair away and kissed one of his big, ugly ears. She breathed into it softly. 

A rope appeared just down the broken hallway from them, and he hushed her, grabbing her close and she twisted in his arms, pushing back against him, and froze in place. Her breathing stilled instantly. Kylo's heart was beating frantically: he was in no real danger but he had never been so afraid in his life it seemed, empathizing with how an ordinary man might feel. The competing scavenger's legs appeared from above and the rest of him slowly descended, twisting and turning with the rope. He stopped when he reached their height, reaching for his flashlight, and Ben thought for sure they were caught. A loud crash echoed to their right, and the threat jerked to look that way. "Kriff!" the man exclaimed, then jumped on their floor and ran along the right side, probably to reach his companion. As soon as he was out of sight, Rey jumped up, grabbed Ben's hand, and they made for a door at the end of the corridor. They passed it and were in total darkness. 

"Ok," Rey said. "I'm going to make a mote of light. Don't get blinded by it." And over her opened palm, a tiny blue light appeared. She blew on it and it travelled softly forward, illuminating the way. 

All Ben could see was Rey's profile and then her silhouette as she moved silently forward. He was already blinded by her Light. They travelled as quickly as they could to a couple floors above - or adjacent, the geometry was all wrong - the unexplored room they had discovered and she quickly made for the panel where the cable ran. Everything was still in place. This was where she would need his strength: they would pull as much fiber cable as they could and then they would have to carry it to the speeders. She picked a section and she showed him how to disconnect the first braid. He worked efficiently until she replaced him so he could hold the weight. When the heavy braid was freed, she helped him haul it out. They rolled it and tied it together.

"Weight it," she told him.    
  
He picked it up on his shoulder. "I can carry a second one to balance out." They freed a second coil and she tied both across his back. When he was ready, she looked at him in the dim light. Multiple possibilities flashed in her mind and she pushed herself on her toes and kissed him again. He leaned into her, imagination running wild, and none of it involved his role as Supreme Leader. He wanted to put his hands on her but she shied away and he caught a flash of fear; sudden understanding and he dropped his hands. She collected all the rest of their gear and scouted ahead a way out that would not direct anyone to their treasure trove. 

It was like traversing a minefield, while looking out for snipers. Their luck ran out as they hit the ground. A pair of people - scavengers or probably thugs - waited near their speeders. He reached for his Ren saber but of course, he could not use it without telling the whole system "He" was here. Rey had her blaster out and shot one in an instant. The other raised his hands and she motioned for Ben to take him in his own sight with his blaster while she looked around. She quickly examined the periphery. Then she walked up to their prisoner and ruthlessly knocked him unconscious, only dragging him to some shade. The other man was wounded, but not dead. She retrieved his weapon as well, it would fetch a good price, and help in her negotiations. Then they loaded their finds into the nets on the gliders and took off for the Outpost, Ben detouring to fetch four more crystal tubes from the freighter. 

"Your turn, now." She added dirt to his already grimy face to hide his distinctive scar and they stood in line together. "Be patient with him. I mean, don't kill him, for Kriff's sake. You'll blow our cover." 

Plutt looked at them, hiding his surprise at the tall man's presence. He looked at Rey, and she shrugged. He took the cable, whistling speculatively. "Helps to have some muscle around. Costs more to feed, I reckon", and he gave Ben a lusty look. Ben startled and moved back before hooding his eyes. He moved forward again and a silent struggle ensued between the two men. Plutt backed down, and Rey sighed in relief. They got twice the portions she could have begged for by herself. 

They traded portions for water again and as they walked back to their speeders, she told him "You can never leave me again. He would starve me to death for sure now." 

"Why don't we kill him? You want to, I'm sure.  _ I _ want to." He felt her stop in her tracks, tense up. She was tempted. Her brow darkened and her shoulders bunched. She looked terrible and for a moment, he felt put off by the rage that swam just below the surface of her demeanor. 

"For the same reason I don't kill you." And she marched on to their gliders. 

He followed her. Rather than excite him, that rage repulsed him. His feelings were truer than he thought possible. "I won't leave you," he told her. The promise hung in the air between them, impossible to fulfill. 

"At least," she added, "not here on Jakku, yeah?" 

"Definitely." 

The coast was clear and they made it back to Rey's old home without incident. They took turns showering in the freighter - _such luxury!_ \- and then prepared their supper.


	7. This Terrified Girl

"What do you think of this life?" she asked him while they stared at another shuttle taking off. She sat close to him, her head almost resting on his arm. 

He looked down at her, at her armbands, at her shoulder peeking through. He thought of their earlier scrambling in total darkness, terrified of being found, and the thrill of touching in brief, stolen moments hidden in dark corners. "It's got its perks, though I'm sure I haven't suffered anything yet." 

"Imagine no vegetables, and really being at Plutt's mercy." 

He refused to imagine that. "How many people live like this?" he wondered out loud.    
  
"Most people live like this. Scraping by. We're rich just having the water we have right now."

He stood up, grabbed their plates and utensils and went inside to clean them. She came in, set the proximity sensors, and came to stand behind him, wrapping her arms around him. "I feel - " she started. Stopped, resting her head against his back. "I'm afraid," she finished. 

"Rey." 

_ Rey. _

"Don't be afraid. I feel it too." 

_ I'm scared too.  _

She slid her hand under his shirt again, and this time explored his back. She made a vexed sound as she felt the ridges and bumps there, lifted his shirt up so she could better see. "Take it off" she demanded; Ben's heart sank a little, but he complied. She turned his back towards the light of the little oil lamp so she could have a real look at it. His back was a battlefield, there was no denying it. 

"Why?" she asked. 

"I don't know," he answered. There was no rational reason. Only fear and anger. And Power. 

She pushed him down to sit on the low stool and stood behind him, then put her hand onto the top left scar, opening her mind to him, prying into his. 

"I'm not ready," he refused her.    
  
She nodded, and traced the scar with her fingers. She traced another, then each scar in turn, gently. They were the marks of his apprenticeship under Snoke. The price of failure. The scars of Power. She moved around him to stand before him and resumed the insistent exploration she had started earlier in the day, this time lingering on the scars  _ she  _ had put on him. Emotions roiled within her, as pride struggled with compassion.    
  
She found the one from Chewie's bowcaster. It was the deepest scar; the price for killing his father. The deed had failed at killing Ben Solo; instead it had breached Kylo Ren. Weakening him to be defeated by the girl Rey in the snowy forest on Starkiller base. She straightened and put her full hand on his cheek, her thumb over the disfiguring mark there, a pained expression in her eyes. 

_ Why me? _ he wondered, thinking of all the things that pitted them against each other: the war, the Light, the Dark, their age, their past, their present situation. His destructive ways. His weaknesses, his failures. 

" _ Darkness rises, and Light to meet it. _ " Snoke had guessed only part of it. The Force would balance. Rey was his ballast. They had battled. Now the war was ending. 

_ Why now? _ Because he was turning back to the Light. A vision of choking Rey to death flashed in his mind, but it was powerless. He could no more kill her than he could kill himself. 

She leaned in and kissed him again, trembling. He took her wrists, moving his hands up her arms and she stiffened in fear. He dropped his hands again; all of the violence of the past years, hunting Jedi and Jedi-sympathizers alike, were coming down to this: letting the Last Jedi explore his body, passively, gifting himself to this terrified girl, hoping to heal the wounds of her Darkness. 

Her Darkness. Her breath was coming faster. She had picked up on his surrender and now she was kneading his muscles in earnest, her palm rubbing against a nipple and he let out a low moan, closing his eyes; letting his senses become touch and sound and taste alone. Her mind was opened to him and he could see flashes of what she had experienced: losing the struggle, being held down, stripped, forced open. Then the rush of the Force through her as she had pushed back, snapping the man's spine, barely avoiding the ultimate violation. His own breath caught and he almost apologized for every male that had ever existed. 

Then another feeling pushed through and it was  _ desire _ . Desire for his body to meld with hers, for his Darkness to envelop her Light, for Kylo Ren to surrender, for Ben Solo to shine through. 

She deepened the kiss and it was sweet sweet like wine. Her hands reached down his stomach and one continued down his hips to caress a thigh while the other moved over the fabric to settle on his manhood. It woke to meet her kneading, and she squeezed it, testing the length and girth of him. He shuddered under her rough caress, his mind transported back to his teens, to a struggle in the twilight with the Jedi padawan Voe. In his eagerness, he'd hurt her, and that had set up an ugly dynamic between them. He pulled back from the memory: there lay one of his darkest deeds. 

Feeling him submit to her only excited her more, and she pushed herself over her fear to reach further and further into him. She pulled at the cords at the hem of his breeches and freed him and he was a glorious sight, smooth and hard and full of promise. He throbbed at the sudden exposure and she felt an answering throb within her, her own desire seeping from her. She reached for him and took him in hand, and he moaned and shivered and she kissed him again, breathing his ragged breath. She began stroking him gently and he broke the kiss, then let his head hang, dark locks hiding his face, his hands clenching each side of the little stool. 

"Rey..." he warned. 

"I want to know," she answered, listening to his every sound, watching his every twitch. 

"Then let me... help." He put a hand over hers. She wanted everything from him. Even his pleasure. A glistening drop appeared at the tip of his glans and he moved her palm to spread it around on his cockhead, while she breathed fast and deep at the play between them. He used her hand and fingers as if they were his own; the sensation of their hands moving together on him overcoming his pride. He soon climaxed, shuddering, sending warm ropes of come before him, on their hands, on his thighs, on hers. She was close to climax herself and he saw her quickly reach into her own leggings, pushing them down low enough he could see the damp curls there and when she touched herself he thought he might blank out. She held onto his thigh for balance, squeezing it hard, and only seconds later he saw her moan into her own orgasm.

"Thank you," she said, and he had no idea why. After a breath, she gave him a quick kiss before moving away to clean herself up, and he got up on shaky legs and did the same. 

"I have watch," she declared. "Go to bed." 

For the next few minutes, he didn't ravish her. Nor for the next hour after that. If she was torturing him, it was exquisite. He finally fell asleep. 

She sat atop her metal home, watching the moons rise, aching with want. She wanted him, knew he wanted her too. So what was stopping her? 

The pain. And the killing. She was afraid of the pain, she was afraid she would hurt him if the pain was too much. She was afraid of being held down, caged in, trapped. She shook her head. Had he been anything but gentle with her? Even during their duel on starkiller base, he had tried to disarm her, not kill her. Tried to capture her and if anything his eyes had been filled with awe at her presence. If anything, she had been the one most cruel to him. He was being incredibly patient with her and she had to stop teasing him and just- 

_ just-  _

Her breath caught and she froze, her heart beating loudly. It took a few minutes before she calmed again. 

When she woke him, he felt leaden. He shook the sleep out of his head while she curled up in his heat and fell asleep in the time it took him to pull his shirt and boots on. 

Outside, the moons were setting. He looked northwest of where they were situated at the village of Tuanul. It was a pivot in his existence, the starting point of the droid's journey that would take him to Rey. The place where Finn had rebelled, where he had captured Poe; where he had killed the elder Lor San Tekka. Where in his rage he had ordered a massacre. Snoke had sneered at him for his loss of control, even as he had breathed in the fear and conquest pheromones that Kylo had exuded. Another blood sacrifice like the Master relished. 

Now Snoke was gone and instead he was bowing to a girl, trying to tame her even as she tamed him, circling around each other like wild felines. When the horizon paled, he realized today was their last day on Jakku. 

He got up and put water on to heat for caf. 

"What do you want to do today? More scavenging?" He wasn't as enthusiastic as yesterday. He had a good idea of how most of the world lived now, it seemed pointless to continue today, even if there had been some very exciting moments. 

She looked at him before answering: "We can if you want to, though it was all just for the experience of it. We can use the parts we kept to show you how to hack one as a replacement part on the Freighter. How's that sound?" 

He beamed. "That sounds perfect!" That was part of the exchange. Also, they could train and wrestle some more and maybe she'd let him make passionate love to her some time today. 

_ Kriff ! You're randy, aren't you? Try not to make a fool of yourself.  _

She looked at him with raised eyebrows for a second before nodding. "Then that's what we'll do."    
  
His mind ran away with his reason, laughing madly. He snapped back to his breakfast. When they stepped out the sun was already blisteringly hot, the wind searing his lungs. She looked at him. The way his nose and ears jutted out, and the paleness of his skin meant he would definitely burn if she forced him to train here in the open. As much as she liked the idea of seeing him tanned and sweaty, she wouldn't enjoy taking care of him covered in blisters and peeling skin. 

She sighed. "Let's take the shuttle to the Graveyard. At least there's shade there so you don't burn like the pink - what are they called? Earthworms! - that you are." He flinched at the jeer but they packed up the little ship and flew out. 

Under the impossible shadow, they trained for an hour in almost comfortable conditions. She'd chosen a gutted ruin, one that would attract fewer scavengers to trouble them. They stopped a few minutes to drink water and eat fruit then stripped down and went at it again until the super-heated air became almost unbreathable. 

The way she lived in the moment, fully focused on her forms - instead of his - put him off somewhat. She had a capacity to suddenly switch her whole attention to something else that had him wondering if he'd imagined last night's tryst. When she beat him for the third time in a row she knelt beside him, took his face in her hands and kissed him soundly on the mouth before trying to pull him up again. 

He lay back instead, he was beaten. He was completely, utterly defeated. "I surrender," he told her, and it shook her.    
  
"All right," she relented. "We'll do some mech hacking now instead." 

"When we get back, you should go to school. Get formal training." 

She stilled, looked at him. "I get some training with Rose and others in the Resistance." 

He considered her answer. He knew most of them had great practical experience, but, as she had let him know when he had found her crying, their funds and means were limited. He sat up. 

"Some day, there won't be a Resistance, Rey." She scowled and he had to hurry before she blew up at him, "Listen, there won't be a  _ need  _ for the Resistance anymore." 

"When?" 

_ When.  _

His expression darkened. He didn't know. The change seemed enormous. Emotions chased across his face: fear, anger, despair, hope, fear again. 

She crouched down to look at him. "Snoke is dead," she whispered.


	8. Something, for You

There was quite a bit of preparation to do before replacing the engine part she was proposing. Understanding its function first, how it affected parts connected to it, its range of actions. She took out three replacement possibilities and she hooked them up to an analysis computer; each had their qualities and weaknesses. He listened to her in rapt attention, all the work they had done until now having led to this: hacking replacement parts into a disabled ship. One of the parts could not be used on this ship. One part channeled more power, but needed more tweaking to make it work. The third part was a safer bet. 

"I'm as tempted as you to take the riskier one," she said, "but I don't have all the tools here to make it work. The last thing the Galaxy needs is for the Supreme Leader and the Last Jedi to get stuck in a stalled ship in space." 

_ We have food for weeks, I can think of worse things that could happen to the Galaxy _ , he thought rather loudly. 

She gave him a dirty look. "Or blow up." That wasn't quite true, but they had  _ responsibilities _ , dammit. 

_ That wouldn't be such a bad thing either, _ all things considered: no more Force-users, just ordinary people left. 

"I'm sure we are not the last Force-users left," she answered his unspoken thought. "Shake out of it, we're not going to die." 

They chose the safe one. "On base," she promised, "we'll install the other one. Now start taking the housing apart. Remember to organize everything you take out." 

He got his hands dirty. It was painstaking work, and he loved it. Every now and then, she would push against him to see his progress, and give him a kiss. Her feelings for him swung wildly between fear and desire, and he had to remain focused on his task. They broke for lunch, and she had him recite what he understood of the next step. Dutifully, he repeated back to her how to put the new part in, adapt it to the ship, and what tests to perform before take off. 

A lone figure appeared in the distance, speeding towards them; after a moment, Rey recognized the rider: it was an old woman from her group of scavengers. Lazzie, she thought. When the woman saw them, she slowed. On impulse, Rey got up and waved to her, inviting her to join them. It was a moment before the rider picked up speed again. 

Rey walked into the ship and took out days worth of portions and a jug of water. 

"Hey-" Ben started, then stopped when he saw her give them to the old woman, who nodded thankfully and recited a small prayer of thanks. The scavenger gave him a grateful look too before she took off again. It was a good feeling. He turned back to his work. 

It took the better part of two hours to finish the task. By then, it was mid-afternoon and even sitting in the shadow was too much. They went inside to refresh themselves and complete the tests. 

"I need a break, and I stink. I'm going into the ‘fresher," Ben announced. 

He'd barely removed the greasy gunk from his hands in the little sink when she walked in. "Ben," she breathed, and there was so much longing in her soft voice his heart skipped a beat. She was flushed but trembling and it was all he could do to not just pick her up and ravish her right there and then. Instead, he started the shower and stripped. He stepped into the spray; she could join him if she wanted more. 

She did. 

She stripped herself and he could see she was not shy about her body. She was beautiful, in a small, scrawny kind of way, all wiry muscle like whipcord. He saw she had some scars on her, cuts on sharp edges from falls she must have taken while exploring wrecks. No whip marks, at least. Her small breasts stood proud, the aureola a deep rose. He knew her vulva would be rose too. He handed her the soap when she walked in, turned his back to her and leaned on the wall. This much he had figured out: he could not touch her. Sure enough, she soon made suds in her hands and started to wash him. 

She washed him  _ everywhere _ . His back, of course, his arms, his armpits; but also his buttocks and between them and the sensation completed his erection. She moved down his thighs to his calves and even his feet. She moved in front of him and proceeded to wash the rest of him, his shoulders and chest, palming his nipples, soon reaching for his erect cock. She used both hands, one gently weighting and kneading his balls, the other having full access to his member. He let her stroke him for a moment, relishing the pleasure of it, before stopping her. 

"Your turn." 

He put her hands on herself, and she started at first mechanically, and then her expression changed and she closed her eyes. Her movements changed to caresses. He watched, fascinated by the tenderness she gave herself, reminded of his own rediscovery, only a few weeks ago. She caressed herself much the same way she had caressed him. She palmed her breast before she reached between her legs, and he wondered if he should reach for himself as well. 

"Can I?" he asked. Her eyes fluttered open. She nodded. He leaned back, looking at her, she looking at him. Palming himself slowly, but aching to touch her. He leaned in close to her, breathing close to her mouth and she tilted her face to him, accepting the kiss. They were so very close to each other now. He deepened the kiss, his tongue snaking out to touch her lips, her tongue peeking out to greet it. He kissed it, stroked it, teasing, sucking it into his mouth before pushing his own further into hers and she let out a moan and heaved against him. He broke the kiss and leaned further down, to her jaw, to her throat. He licked her and he knew where he wanted to go next. "I think you're clean enough now." 

She stiffened. "...What ?" 

He slid down to one knee. "Something, for you. Let me do something for you. Please." Her eyes were huge. She bit her lip. After a moment, she nodded. 

He was tall enough to reach her stomach and he started there, kissing her belly button, before moving to her hip to start down the trough there. Feelings of confusion, fear, and anticipation roiled through her, seeping through the Bond. He reached her apex, and nuzzled the furrow gently, grazing her clit with his nose. She bucked slightly, letting a small gasp escape that made him throb. He brought a hand up and let it rest on her thigh, and she let him. Then he split her more with his nose, kissed her folds and let his tongue move to her. She pulled herself away, slid down to her knees with him. "I don't think I can stand it," she murmured. "It's too much." He hadn't even started yet. "Then don't stand." He got up and turned off the water, and for a moment she was kneeling before him. 

He pulled her up. "Let's go to the berth." He looked at her trembling form, frowned and said, "Rey, you can tell me when you want me to stop." He guided her to his bed, made her lie down, and sat himself between her raised knees. She was not exactly shy… it was the transfer of control that frightened her. So he took her hand and put it back on her mons, while he kissed her knee and licked at the crease under it, watching her. 

She rubbed at herself, looking at his glorious naked form. He was so beautiful, with those almond eyes and that full mouth that was made for kissing, and that wanted to kiss her there, a promise she had not imagined. Her fingers slid easily between her lips, her slick dripping all the way down the crevice of her ass. She had never been so excited, so swollen before, and slowly, she let her knees fall open. He bent down between her legs, leaving a trail of kisses down her thigh, finally reaching her source. Her hand was blocking the entrance, so he licked her fingers, tasting her sweet, thick juices, and she lifted her hand away after he sucked one finger clean. 

He finally had access to her; he settled down and licked her in between soft kisses, lapping up her juices for a moment before reaching gently with his tongue for her clit. She swayed and gasped, a breathless " _ Maker _ !" escaping from her lips. He let his damp curls play over her stomach and thighs and her hand reached for his head, fingers tangling in his hair. It was the greatest day of his life. 

He lapped and suckled her for a while, feeling for how she moved beneath him, and when he put his whole mouth over her and started devouring her in earnest she shuddered and mewled loudly. He tongued her as far as he could reach, his hands finally allowed to touch her as he lifted her up to reach further into her. She swayed, arching her back, moaning and calling his name in shuddered gasps. He put fingers to her as he felt her pulse on his tongue and slipped two inside her, stroking in and out. She suddenly tensed, a surprised whine escaping her, before she cried and finally climaxed under his mouth. He moved his fingers slowly and just held her clit in his lips, gently teasing the rest of her climax out of her. 

She folded on her side and started cry-laughing, and he let go of her, moving up to spoon her, pulling her close. He was painfully hard but this was his only chance to make her overcome her fear. He cupped a breast with his hand, feeling the nipple hard in his palm, kissed the back of her neck, and let himself relax into a hazy slumber. After a little rest he got up, covered her with a thin blanket and went to clean himself off. 

_ Ben, don't take her until you are fully committed to her, _ his mother had cautioned. 

Kylo Ren was incapable of committing to Rey of Jakku. He was an avatar, a mask, a costume, a lie. He would have to kill Kylo Ren to become a real person again. He would have to kill the Knights of Ren. That would be the last lesson of Dark side abilities he would teach Rey the Jedi.


	9. To Kill a Monster.

When she got up, Rey went straight for the fresher. Her body and her mind were having an argument in her head and they weren’t coming to an agreement. She couldn’t stand his going back to the First Order. She could kick him out of her life after taking him inside her. Just once. Just to know what it was like. And maybe take him back if he defected to the Resistance. 

She didn't want them to leave Jakku anymore. Here, they were just two people. 

Ben had moved the tools to storage and he was rechecking the systems, getting ready to pilot to Rey's little home. She came up from behind and hunched over him to flip a switch and he felt her little breasts brush against the back of his head.  _ Uh-ho _ , he thought, _ what have I done. _ Her fear was gone. 

There was nothing to get from the AT-AT; a favorite cup, maybe. Some nostalgia of old and now new memories. It was late afternoon but by unspoken accord they wouldn't train together, their bodies too raw from desire to manage to focus on anything but each other. They found a little spot of shade they could share and sat there, eating a last supper, watching the sand slowly push the dunes east. 

"We are going to give most of our supplies to Tuanul village," he announced. 

"What? Why?" 

"Because I've been there." 

"Oh. Right." BB-8 had told her about it. She looked at the tender man beside her. This wasn't the monster she had met almost a year ago. 

"You should thank me," she teased him. "For helping you get rid of Snoke." 

"For making me Supreme Leader?" he blinked, a wry smile playing on his plush lips. "Thank you very much." 

She pushed him and the contact was electric, sparking desire all through them both. He quickly got up. 

"Right. We're done here. You can lock up if you think we'll- you'll come back." 

"Now? But I thought - 

\- Night's falling. The villagers would rather we visit them before it gets too dark, no?" 

"Yes. But… can we come back?" She looked at him with her heart in her eyes and he understood her perfectly. Now she was ready. She just wanted the safety of her old home. He had to come clean. 

"Rey, I- I have something to do first. Will you help me?" 

"Yes, anything." 

"I have to kill Kylo Ren." He paused and she gasped. Then she nodded. 

"We will kill him together," she stated.

Landing in the broken village of Tualnul felt like the start of a pilgrimage for Ben Solo. It became a clear path forward for him. There weren't so many he couldn't remember all of them, but there were enough that it would be worth the work. He found the current elder, a woman who seemed of an amiable nature, if skittish, and he offered her the superfluous ressources he felt they could go without on the short trek back to their respective lives. He wouldn't introduce himself, and on a whim, decided to listen to her recount the events of the night of the massacre. Part of him - the Kylo Ren part - wanted to exult in the proof of his power but he ruthlessly suppressed it and instead listened and absorbed the suffering as a way to do penance. Rey stayed with him, listening to the tale in open-mouthed horror for the first few minutes before crying softly until the end of it. 

He thanked the woman for her patience and they made it back onto the ship. Rey remained silent for the better part of the next two hours. Kylo Ren was a monster. "Why?" she finally demanded once she summoned the courage to confront him. 

"Why? There's no real reason. Lor San Tekka was a part of Ben Solo's life. He thwarted me in my quest to find Luke. I became enraged and killed him, and the villagers, and torched the village. If not for the map in that droid, I might have blasted the whole valley into a glass field. He introduced us, you and I, in a way." 

"But why the villagers?" 

"Make an example? Slake my thirst for revenge? Please my Master? Like I said, there was no reason, only Darkness." 

"How- how many..." 

"I'm not sure. I'll have to track them down. Some were just some family on a farmstead. One was someone's lover in a cheap apartment on Coruscant." 

Rey started crying again. It was disappointment, he realized. 

"I should let the Knights of Ren kill you," she said with venom, and he flinched. 

"They don't really need me to lead them. They'll just fight it out until one is on top, and continue to hunt Jedi-sympathizers, or anyone else they take a dislike to. The Resistance, probably. Better to kill them." 

She looked up suddenly. 

"The Knights of Ren, did they… did they?" she stammered, just short of the words, her mind red black with terror. 

He took a breath. "They did." Could he have stopped them? He'd managed to mask as disdain his revulsion for the act. That was his mother's part of him. 

There was horror on her face now. "Did  _ you _ ?" 

What he wanted, how he felt about her now was worth whatever his next words would bring him. "Once." 

Rey got up. Disgust for him was back, ebbing from her in waves. They were here again, two days out from his own ship and the way back to their normal lives. 

*

Rey made for her cabin. She hated him, and she loved him, all at once. She had been so ready for him, just hours ago, but he had decided to show her more of himself than she had asked for, repelling her. Why? 

She felt through the memories she had gleaned from him when their minds bridged. He had chosen to be alone for years. Now she knew why; he couldn't stand the heartbreak, the horror; his or another's. So he was delaying their union. He did not want her now, not like that, not with Kylo Ren still alive. It wasn't a simple question of laying with her and possessing her body. He was a man of passion, yes, but he was a man of commitment. 

Then she understood something more. He had just asked her to help him kill half his adult life, a persona he had sacrificed his own father to become, before he would be with her. She was not  _ some  _ girl to him. 

So what was he to her? Did she feel love or some passion that would burn away in time? Was she only interested in defeating and possessing Kylo Ren, or did she feel something for the man Ben Solo? Could she imagine herself with him for a long time? For a lifetime? She felt so very young all of a sudden. Barely twenty, almost no experience of the worlds beyond fighting for survival, on Jakku and in the Resistance. A knack for fixing machines and abilities with the Force she was just getting good at - with his teachings, ironically. She had no family of her own, not even a family name. Yet both the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the Resistance's Head General wanted her with them, maybe even for the same reason: to ford a peace between them. 

It frightened her. 

She went back to him and told him of her fright, and he gathered her in his lap; they watched the stars streak by as she fell asleep cradled in his arms. 

**

She woke alone in her cabin. She fixed a meal and they shared it before she took over pilot duty. A glance to the side revealed that he had been writing a list of places to go. A summary of the story of Tuanul's massacre. "Lest we forget," he told her. She read it. It was most certainly not vainglorious, more of a documentation of the lives lost and the valiant attempt at resistance by the villagers. With such accounts, he would destroy all his victories in the histories of the Galaxy. "Can I have a copy of this? I would like to show it to the Resistance." To Poe, and Finn, who had witnessed the thing. There was a second's pause before he nodded and made for his cabin. 

By the end of their trip, heat had formed between them again, and they learned things about each other's bodies that left them sweaty and satisfied, slick with their pleasure. They respected the limits they agreed on, on the promise of a new bond between them. They slept together. 

**

"When?" she asked. 

"I have to set a few things up first. There are six of them; I have to lead them somewhere out of sight of the First Order." 

"Lead them to us? The Resistance will be glad to rid you of them." 

"Tempting, but I'd rather the Resistance didn't see me as the 'treacherous snake' you once called me. I asked you because I need you. They're force-sensitives, if brutish. It will be a hard fight. You will need everything I taught you." They parted from the little mining colony.


	10. The Death of Kylo Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the return of Ben Solo.

Colonel Adia Sanapen had distinguished herself in battle. Kylo interviewed her, probing her mind gently as she spoke, feeling for the lies she told him so he could get both versions of the events: presented and experienced. 

She had hated the raid. She had made every decision possible to hasten their victory, she'd taken as many prisoners as possible and swifty executed the head of the renegade group. She had called in a - surprisingly skilled - diplomat he didn't even know they had and they had drawn up a peace agreement in record time, sparing thousands of lives, and keeping their prisoners on their own home planet. The plunder that followed - if you could call it that - barely made up for the costs of the attack, but they had a "technical" victory. 

The story she told him was much more flattering to the First Order, and he supposed it would be an appropriate version to please the Supreme Leader. When he asked General Hux's opinion later on, Hux had been lukewarm about their victory, acknowledging her skill, but deploring her mercy. 

She was promoted to General within the week. The week after that, the traitor Hux was executed after a failed attempt on her life. This had seismic consequences all up and down the chain of command and there were many arrests and deaths during the following month. The Knights of Ren foiled more than one attempt on their Master Ren's life. It made their destruction all the more an inglorious act. Two of them had died defending him. 

General Organa listened to Rey tell her of the upsets in the First Order with amazement. Poe and Finn and the others were often present at these debriefs, corroborating her accounts with intelligence they gathered from their own networks. 

Finally, the opportunity she had been waiting for had come. It would be the last act of Kylo Ren before resigning his command as Supreme Leader of the First Order, and setting up the peace treaty with the Resistance to establish a New Republic. 

But it would have to happen in relative secrecy. 

"Why doesn't he want our help?" This from Poe. He'd read the Tuanul village account and felt moved by the man emerging through this self-imposed atonement. Finn discovered his refusal to participate had not gone unnoticed. He was itching to get in the game, remembering his terror of the Knights of Ren. 

"I'm not sure. Pride? Humility? There are emotions tied up in there I'll never understand. He asked me to help him. It'll be like some religious experience for him, I guess." 

"Why you? Ow!" Finn cried, as Poe elbowed him in the ribs. 

"Because I'm the last Jedi? Because I'll need Dark side abilities? It's a compact between us." Because the Knights did those  _ other  _ things. She kept that quiet, no need to remind them of that.

***

They would rendez-vous on a moon of the planet Minban. 

When she got there, she met with the local miners at the cantina. The place was not exactly thriving, but not exactly destitute either. She wondered why he had chosen this place, it had to be significant. She decided to reveal some of her Jedi affiliation, sensing a story just under the surface. Sure enough, someone decided to teach her some history. 

Years ago, the Knights of Ren had come here, seeking an artifact. There had been a massacre of Minbanese. Two Jedi apprentices had shown up to repulse the Ren. In the end, the Jedi had died, and one of the Ren. A third Jedi apprentice had turned up and switched sides. The Knights had then left, leaving the artifact behind. 

_ Here was where Kylo Ren was born. _

When they arrived in Supreme Leader Kylo Ren's command shuttle, the Knights of Ren struck fear in the little mining town. The Mimbanese scattered and hid behind locked doors and closed windows. 

Elders peeked from behind broken shutters, whispering to each other about that last time the Knights had been here. The town police chief arrived on his glider but stopped, stunned. The moon was a colony of the First Order. 

Then out of the Cantina walked Rey of Jakku, the Last Jedi. Dressed in immaculate white desert garb, radiant in her confidence, she walked to the center of the dusty road, silent. Before her stood the small army of monsters, their Master facing her down. 

"We meet again," he crowed, "who could believe the Jedi would put their hope into such a puny woman?" 

"Indeed, I am the woman who would defeat the Great Kylo Ren and bring him to his knees." 

"We'll see about that, no one has ever defeated us in battle." Jeers, behind him. 

"You forget yourself, I already have, not two years ago. I will again. Prepare yourself!" She lit her Lightstaff and walked towards him. 

He shrugged off his cloak, took off his helmet. He was as beautiful as he had ever been, and the sight flustered her momentarily.  _ *Unfair* _ she thought at him. 

He grinned. He moved forward, gesturing to his Knights to stay behind. He lit his own saber, the thing crazy with crackling, barely contained energy. "Let us end this now." 

They sparred, enjoying themselves immensely. She had kept up her training while they had been apart, and it showed. She growled an occasional slur at him, pushing him hard, and parried him easily, much to his - feigned - chagrin. He yelled a few choice jeers at her too, hearing the Knights shout appreciatively behind him, their faith restored. They circled each other, soon sweaty and disheveled, and the tension between them changed to something that made one Knight whistle in appreciation, even as the turning of alliance subtly eluded them. The pair rushed at each other, locking weapons, straining, barely a few inches between their faces. 

People had started to peek through cracked-open windows and doors, sensing something was at play, not quite sure what yet.

They pushed at each other for a few seconds more, then Kylo Ren whispered something that made Rey gasp in shock, pulled her up, kissed her roundly on the lips and they turned to face the Knights of Ren. 

All hell broke loose, but in the end, four brutalized bodies lay on the ground, while two people, Light and Dark, stood in the middle of the carnage, sabers deactivated, kissing passionately. 

Townspeople cheered and danced in the streets. Children kicked the Ren helmets up and down the street like footballs. 

**

"So much for discretion," she sighed from the fresher. His command shuttle was a long-distance ship for a crew of five; it had amenities and a pull-out berth. He stepped in the shower with her. They washed each other between kisses. 

"Hush," he told her. "I don't care. I love you." Saying it made his heart take flight. 

"Ben, I love you too," she breathed into his kiss, then tilted her head back to drink in the joy in his eyes. He picked her up and carried her to the berth. They were floating in space, orbiting the planet that had seen the birth and the death of a tragedy. 

She took him in gently. 

The time they had shared before made everything easier, and once he made her touch the stars a first time, he climbed back up to her side, on his face a question only she could answer. She pushed him onto his back, climbed onto him. 

She was still trembling, half with fear, half with anticipation, and she took his hands and put them on her, so he could caress the rest of the anxiety away. She ground hard against his cock so she could see him heave under her, head thrown back and moaning softly, his hands finally dropping to his side. He was almost ready to let himself go when she grasped him. 

She raised herself, put his cockhead against her entrance, and let herself sink onto him. It took several seconds to take him all in, pleasure vying with pain, and when she was finally seated on him, she felt light-headed. The Force swirled about and within them, seemingly moving from one to the other, making them one being, each aware of the other's sensations. She looked at him and he pushed himself up to embrace her. He let her sink between his legs and pulled her in close, reaching deeper yet, kissing her deeply, her face, her eyes. She'd thought to ride him but she let herself fall back instead, giving him power over her, and he understood that as yet another gift of trust. He was strong, and he gently lifted her up to place himself atop her, his arms caging her, his weight on her hips, his hair shrouding their kiss. 

He remained still until her crazy heart calmed somewhat, and she opened her eyes to see him looking at her, his expression tender, waiting. Her body throbbed on him and they both let out a little gasp, and she nodded. He started to gently rock into her. She felt him move into her core and the sensation of being filled by him, again and again, was more than she had imagined. Soon her hips rose to meet him, as he increased the rhythm, some primal passion taking him over, even as he kept his connection with her as a guide.    
  
She arched her back until the angle changed and she felt him brush against that place in herself he had found for her with his longer fingers, and they both moaned as he nearly lost his pace. Then she pushed into him and contracted into a ball of Light like a pulsar, that exploded over him into a supernova and he rode her climax as long as he could before finally joining her in their ecstasy. She felt him rush into her, waves of pleasure filling her with his seed, grunting loudly in her ear. He shuddered one last time and barely managed to push himself to his side, pushing her leg gently up so he could remain inside her. His eyes closed; he was covered in a light sheen. 

"This is it, for me," he told her when he could open his eyes again, "there will be no other." 

"We were pulled together by the Force, you and I, across light-years, and time and war... I don't think there was ever going to be any other but you, for Rey of Jakku." She had a vision of them sitting in a grassy field, watching a sunrise. She heard squealing and laughter just out of her sight and she felt her vision body heavy, heavy with life. 

"I will give you a family," she said. 

"Then I will give you a family name," he answered. 


End file.
